Marlene Dietrich's Lamb Chops en Casserole For One

"Glamour is what I sell, it's my stock in trade."

Ahhhhhhh. My 3 week writing retreat in Crouch End is almost at an end. There's a cat on the stairs, the sprinkler is on in the garden, my massive foot is elevated and propped up on a cushion, there's a Marlene Dietrich casserole in the oven and it is the final night of Big Brother 8. Hence, I am having a big night in with me, myself and I and a "6 for £5" bunch of beers.

All is well in Silver Screen Suppers world.

Gloria Swanson's Butterless Devil's Food Cake

"Hollywood abounded with driven creatures endlessly looking for solace
or compensation in alcohol, drugs, and sex."

Well after the weekend I've just had the same could be said of North London Gloria.

I am still reeling from Nazimova's party, I was so out of control my ears are still ringing...

Still, to the cooking. To celebrate the birthday of Rosalind’s beau Jimmy I made some cup cakes using Gloria Swanson’s Butterless Devil’s Food Cake recipe. The butter icing I made to go on top probably ruined the health benefits of a cake made with super high quality Green & Black’s plain chocolate and no butter, but they were pretty delicious anyhow.

Gloria was somewhat of a health freak in her day. Very interested in a macrobiotic style diet and wholefoods in general she was. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is the secret star for whom the Hollywood 12 day diet was conceived.

After my trauma over Charley’s new girlfriend I managed to knock 5 years off Jimmy’s life by decorating his birthday cakes with the number 30. At least I didn’t add 5 years on…

Greta Garbo's Swedish Meatballs x 2

"Gif me a visky, ginger ale on the side. And don't be stingy, baby."

Maybe if I hadn’t drunk so much I wouldn’t have ended up wailing and howling late into the night then waking up surrounded by piles of snotty tissues.

Charley came over for meatballs and in conversation mentioned that his new girlfriend was 14 years younger than me. Gadzooks. There aint no words of wisdom from Greta that are going to help with that.

Maybe a mantra though… "I want peace and peace I will have."

I keeled over in the library today – a humdinger of a fall which brought five people running to help me up. I decided to go home and watch an afternoon movie to get over it. Luckily “The Man Who Came to Dinner” is on and I can sympathise with Monty Woolley being wheeled around in a bath chair after falling down some steps. Out of the corner of my eye I am watching my ankle swell up to the size of a football.

The hats in this movie are gorgeous. I want a little skating hat with a pom-pom on top.

Charley’s verdict on the meatballs? Too many cornflakes, not enough meat.

Oliver Hardy's Spaghetti With Tomato Sauce

"We never see ourselves as others see us."

After a week of insane bills being run up on ebay by my internet hacker I settled down to Oliver Hardy's Spaghetti with Grace to try and forget about it all for a few minutes. We decided it was quite an apt dinner for such a bon viveur and found it easy to imagine Mr Hardy tucking a big white napkin into his bow tie to catch the spaghetti sauce splashes.

Charley was a bit peeved when I spoke to him on the phone and I revealed what I had been eating. I was supposed to cook this for HIM, as he is a Son of the Desert and all that. Well I'll have another go sometime and he can try and educate me once more into why Laurel and Hardy make so many boys so very happy.

How many women are fans?

William Powell's Beets Piquant

“I highly recommend worrying. It is much more effective than dieting.”

Well the worrying is over for Ginger. She exploded into the house yesterday evening with the fabulous news that she has scored a great new job with S&S. Yippee. We celebrated with a bowl of Beets Piquant and a glass of champagne. A very nice combination. We agreed that a big hairy steak and a healthy green salad might go down well with the beets for a big meal but Ginger was off to meet the in-laws for a family dinner and I was off to the Cafe de Paris for an industry party.

As I got purple beetroot juice all over my hands, the kitchen floor and the kettle I had a mini daydream about meeting a handsome new man at the party. Radio 2 broke my mood though as just as I started thinking about it they played a song with a chorus along the lines of, "You came on your own, and that's how you'll leave". And of course it was exactly thus...